Growing up I had a very merry band of friends – some best friends, some acquaintances, new and old friends and friends of friends. Conversely, along this journey and indeed regardless of age, there were many departed friends from the ‘inner circle’ as a result of the usual playground tiffs, schoolgirl rivalry (often adult rivalry), births, moves, travels and marriages. Despite how wide the friend network grew or depleted, however, there was always an unspoken clarity. The friend-gagement - the most special relationships stayed strong, many still remain in place, the less special became memories of people you met along the way and, when a split happened, it was definitive, no ties, life goes on.
This week, however, as I set about familiarising myself with my expanding private and personal social networks I have reflected on how the rules of friendship have changed and I wonder….in a world commodotised by real time updates, has the BFF been replaced by a BFNetwork?
We are lulled into a false sense of security that the ability to grow friends en masse from one Saturday night to another indicates popularity, but is this race to add faces the sign of the utlimate 'in' crowd or can real friend loyalty really be generated from 4 'likes' and a poke. If forced to meet as friends every week, could I really afford to call my new top 20 every other day to make plans, treat them to drinks at the weekend, or would I recognise them if I did? Indeed....at what point does the facebook friend tally tip from Best to Rest…?
The same consideration applies for the relationships we decide are not worth the investment. Before the days of electronically tagging our friends with the hot iron of facebook branding, friend territory was managed on the simple rules of trust.
Simply we parted company with those that didn’t work out, avoid going where they go, study the cracks in the footpath if they passed by, removed their number from our phone. If the art of making friends the facebook way is speed dating, then the art of defriending is like a messy divorce – public viewing of the breakup, sides taken on why you have made the cull, gossip, tweets, posts and a incredibly stark revoke from pokes. In today’s open-call of who’s who and who knows who knows you, wonder, have we lost the ability to quietly slip out the back and ease away?
So, as you rush to accept you next entourage of friend requests consider the chicken and egg situation of your social network within your social life and ask yourself do you really know which came first or has the desire to be popular leave us no choice but to keep our friends close and a multiplying group of frenemies closer?
'Til next time, Pandora
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