The Secret to Skinny (Men Only)

Blogaholics beware - male or female, before you read on I have categorically not joined the dark side and become the Ambassador of Carbs, at least not until Dr Atkins or Heston Blumenthal can discover the recipe for fully loaded protein-based banoffee pie. No, I have temporarily diverted my obsession with Skinny to the denim variety – the spray-on, skin-tight, bum-hugging drain-pipe that has been rapidly filling the pages of our fashion magazines, shop windows and streets.

As a self-confessed fashion victim I have been held hostage for many years on the eternal search for the elusive pair of perfect jeans, an expedition that many have embarked on and that makes Frodo look like a mere hill walker by comparison. My latest ‘Precious’ comes wrapped in Balenciaga (highly recommended), but my fickle loyalties are as short-lived as the seasons, and as I observe the effects of the latest evolution of our staple wardrobe diet I wonder: Where should the battle-lines of Jeans vs Genes be drawn for our men in denim uniform?

Just as hotpants should be left for the posterity (and posterior) of Kylie and Wonder Woman, there is a ballpark <1% of the male population that can confidently pull off the Skinny jean. Unless you’re Italian. For some reason that just works, even when said skinnies go multi-colori. Italians are exempt from all advice in this blog, grazie.

For the rest, I know the choice is limited – there is a fine line between Sid Vicious and John Travolta, unless of course you are actually trying to be a T-Bird. Skater-baggy and Gangsta low-hangers do not need to reveal your nether regions, so please invest in a belt, and if you decide to diversify to the world of chino be sure it is reserved to the golf course and not the dance floor.

The Jeans Doth Maketh the Man, choose wisely, your street cred can depend on it.
For the <1%, you are the Chosen Few. Work it.

‘Til next time, Pandora